Formaldehyde

How does my heart beat outside my chest? 

Why do the thick membranes of my room thump so loud? 

Why does the numbness float tangible, stiff like fog around me? 

Why does frivolous banter penetrate my glass-encased mind? 

Am I drowning in the formaldehyde labs of senile gods? 

Too proud to see if I can survive without their injected luck? 

Did I get the dose or am I on placebo? 

And am I better off either way? 

Do I live another day at their mercy or have I never actually been? 

Am I helpless or do I choose to float aimless? 

Do I have a voice? And are ears of any use? 

Ears are overestimated. 

Apparently they do no shut, but that's a lie. 

They never open. 

The black holes they hide are visible through the eye and so, we shut them too. 

But light, what of light? 

How do we shut out light? 

And how do we unsee the thickening of the fog and the resounding thump thump thump of the enclosing membranes? 

We can. 

Until the glass shatters around us. 

And formaldehyde washes away the last of our sins. 

The girl who forgot

She didn't remember the man with six cats four doors down from her house. She didn't remember the game of twister the first time she introduced her husband to her friends. She didn't remember the lovely red lantern she got for Christmas last year. She didn't remember what she wore on her last birthday. She didn't remember the boy with the moon glasses who lived down the street. But she remembered things the others forgot. She remembers the night her friend hushed her to sleep. She remembers the girl who drew her a leaf. She remembers the sound of her father's tummy gurgling. She remembers the wetness of her first kiss. She remembers her friend's wet cheeks. She remembers how a pair of long slender hands fit hers. She remembers the morning she knew how she never wanted to be touched again. She remembers the winding roads lit by a million stars on the way to the hills. She remembers breathing in deep as she drove through a cloud. It's the freshest air you will ever breathe, her grandmother said. And as she held her scaly hands for the last time, she remembered. 

Phosphates

Phosphates glowing in the sea

Do you know how you came to be? 

When the stars revolted

At the growing darkness

Then the moon asked them to leave. 

So the sea erupted

And lit the falling ashes

The embers are what you see. 

Paralysis

Endless is the night

Wings wrapped snug around tired bones

Lips quaking in half dreams

Letters forming and drifting away into gentle slumber

I lie awake

Terrified

Incapacitated

Paralyzed

By the consequences of thoughts

And the bliss of thoughtlessness

Does it ever end? 

Blessings

Why is there no God? 

Are we abandoned? 

Is there no one to calm our fears? 

Stroke our heads and tell us it will be ok? 

It will all be ok? 

Must we do it all? 

Live through everything. Believe. Stay positive. 

Where do they get the strength to believe? 

I must be weak, begging for someone to hear me. To bless me. To look after me. Unable to believe.

Unable to lower my head in front of stone deities.

Unable to pray for my daughter.

And Lord am I terrified.

Music

You cannot hear the music, they said

And the stage was taken away from her

The shining faces of approval dimmed

A deafening silence pounded against her ears

And yet she sensed the murmurs of disapproval/sighs of disappointment around her

He placed her hand on his heart

But that's your music, she said

We can share until you find yours, he said

And as the music pulsed through her, she began to sing. 

After many moons and several nights of sleepless singing into the dawn

She heard the soft hum of her heart awakening

While another muffled drum slowly ceased. 

Just in case

Crumpled in the corner, defeated

Listening to the sounds of the night

Watching the clouds as they faded

Waiting till they're out of sight

Rain drops still damp on my face

Forming thoughts and words just in case

You're thinking of me...

Ridden out the storms and settled

Back in bed before first light

You've never known where I've headed

But some day I'll have taken flight

You'll be in a dull dreamy daze

Every time you don't see my face

And you'll think of me...