Me Too

Sometimes I wonder if I imagined it
If I made it up in my head
If I actually spoke up about it
For what happened after
Is as clear as last night's dream
Patches of clear blue,
Blurring round the edges
But it definitely stopped.

And I wonder
If it happened at all.

Then there are days
When I do believe it happened
And I wonder if he remembers
And how he manages to look me in the eye
Muster speech without hesitation
Bring up the courage to smile
And laugh through his shame
If at all he ever felt it.

And I wonder
If I am what he made me.

Anger came easier at the stranger
At whom I desperately searched
For a stone to throw
Alone on that endless road home
Long after he had cycled away
A tune on his lips
And that smirk
That everything was going to be alright.

And I wonder
Why the tears wouldn't stop.

The first time, I didn't know better
By the second, I knew too much
Perhaps that's why I cried
The first time I felt love on my lips,
My hips
And something broken in me gave way,
Useless,
Submerged now with the old.

And I wonder
No, now I know.

Rememory

Flimsy, stuttering, and clumsy
My love shuffles shiftily along
Pausing uncomfortably at corners
She stares hesitantly at her feet
Heaving a great sigh she turns
One awkward corner after another
Dragging the clouds of uncertainty with her
Searching, stopping, continuing
Along the confined spectrum
Of time and space she occupies
Hopeful
Yet utterly lost

The dark sprigs of fancy
Shoot in and out of her heart
Painful with every moment remembered
Comforted by every moment forgot

Blush

The sudden silence
When your loudest thought escapes
Fumbles,
Bites her lip,
And tucks a stray lock away
Behind a reddening ear

And she's done it again.

Charmed

'Tis no book learned scholar I seek
One who puffs grey clouds by the window and dreams
Mine shall be the one who really lives
The life that others can only write about.

Rouge

Still carefully treading white lines on busy roads
Still catching crumbling pieces of the sky
Still pulling at dry skin, sacrificing meat for that unquenchable thirst
Still peering at faces passing by
Wondering who coloured the right ear red
Still running against the wind
Catching my breath in the rain
Still changing paper for other people's prints
Still smiling at pictures uploaded in an attempt to bandage relationships
And why not, if it works?
For what if it works!
How incredibly wonderful watching things as they fall into place
Painstakingly arranging themselves
Squeezing pieces together that were never meant to fit
But doing it anyway
So you have to cross your knee instead of spreading them in the comfort of unlimited space
So you have to match your undergarments every once in a while
So you have to explain the last donut that disappeared from the fridge
So what?
How wonderful it is to watch my rose arrange her petals
To have my fox see me in strawberry fields and await my return every evening
How extraordinarily wonderful
To have and to hold from this day onward
Well of course you may kiss the bride!

Stars

We lay awake nights now
Stars encased in tinted glass
In blinding fog lights
Shadowed under weary eyes

Darkness that brought with it restful sleep
Has permeated through the layers of our mind
Bringing instead a deep unrest
And settled down

Unleash the darkness
Give back the stars
I'd rather have them
In the sky

Edited for Mocaine

We lay awake nights now

Stars encased

in tinted glass

In blinding fog lights

Under my 

skin

Shadowed under 

weary eyes

Darkness come now

Permeate

Through the layers

of my mind

Bringing in

side the deep  

Settle down

Give me back the 

stars, I'd rather 

have them in the 

sky.

That One, the One Mad as Birds

I always think of her when I cross this stretch
A little lost girl with a nest on her head
A nest of wild flowers and humming birds
Playing havoc with her mind
Bursting into flight with her thoughts

On stilts she walks
Looking straight over the heads of crowds
That's the only way they're meant to be seen
Bobbing up and down to the rhythm of her personal background score

Last I heard she'd flown with that flock of hers
I imagine her chirping away
Somewhere on the branch of a gulmohar tree
Perhaps that's the only place to be
And till I see her again
I'll chirp from my verandah
Hoping she hears me.

Quiet Murmurings

One came like a storm
Turbulent and all consuming
Grey clouds, rainbows, furious rain
The whole package
Cruel, exhilarating, tempestuous and breath taking
All at once came the storm
And left all at once
Never staying long enough to heal

The other came like a breeze
Nourishing, life giving, soulful
With a different kind of fire
Blew over still smarting skin
Rekindling the flickering flame
Never too hot to burn
Picking up the pieces after I fell apart
Again and again and again

And that made all the difference.