Blessings

Why is there no God? 

Are we abandoned? 

Is there no one to calm our fears? 

Stroke our heads and tell us it will be ok? 

It will all be ok? 

Must we do it all? 

Live through everything. Believe. Stay positive. 

Where do they get the strength to believe? 

I must be weak, begging for someone to hear me. To bless me. To look after me. Unable to believe.

Unable to lower my head in front of stone deities.

Unable to pray for my daughter.

And Lord am I terrified.

Music

You cannot hear the music, they said

And the stage was taken away from her

The shining faces of approval dimmed

A deafening silence pounded against her ears

And yet she sensed the murmurs of disapproval/sighs of disappointment around her

He placed her hand on his heart

But that's your music, she said

We can share until you find yours, he said

And as the music pulsed through her, she began to sing. 

After many moons and several nights of sleepless singing into the dawn

She heard the soft hum of her heart awakening

While another muffled drum slowly ceased. 

Just in case

Crumpled in the corner, defeated

Listening to the sounds of the night

Watching the clouds as they faded

Waiting till they're out of sight

Rain drops still damp on my face

Forming thoughts and words just in case

You're thinking of me...

Ridden out the storms and settled

Back in bed before first light

You've never known where I've headed

But some day I'll have taken flight

You'll be in a dull dreamy daze

Every time you don't see my face

And you'll think of me...

Falling

On my lips

Are someone else's words

On my tongue

The taste of someone else

Darling please,

What I mean is something else

I have been

Leading a split life

Now I'm afraid

Of falling between the cracks

And when the dark

Comes to get me, let me be

On my own

Yellow Butterflies

Yellow butterflies
Yellow butterflies
Strewn on the road
Were yellow butterflies

Yellow butterflies
Yellow butterflies
Swept by the water
Yellow butterflies

Yellow butterflies
Yellow butterflies
Could've been blood
If only you'd opened your eyes

Moving On

The same songs are playing again
The same colour in our glasses
Our cheeks
Our lips
And yet, the air has changed
Skin rubs skin still
Memory stirs in fond remembrance
But she says,
We're not 20 anymore
Life has moved on
Love has passed us by
And I submit to her
And her indifference
Like her every other command

Words

My mother said.

I remember you hiding Baba's chappals every single morning when you were hardly 3 years old. So we had to wake you to find them. I remember you dragging Patti inside the bedroom at 6. So nobody else would speak to her but you. I remember you standing with your arms outstretched guarding the door so Dada would not escape. And now you are going away. And I can't close any doors. Stay happy. Stay blessed. Enjoy every moment. And don't sulk.